11/29/2007: "Moving"

Many people throughout their lives will experience a move or a few moves. I am referring to the family packing everything up and you leaving one home to go to another. Most likely as a child if you experience this it is because one of your parents has a new job somewhere else for better or worse. As a parent it hopefully isn't because of a foreclosure or because one of you lost your jobs, but the worst happens at the worst times and even this is understandable.

If my message had a target this month it would target multiple groups, both children and adults. Children reading this you need to realize why parents move, and parents you need to realize the ramifications that are not just being set upon you but also upon your children. It's not a simple thing physically, mentally, or emotionally to just pick up and move to another part of the country or world without any regret or problems that occur.

For starters going on the children side of the issue I completely understand your struggle, having to move regardless of your age, and feeling as if your parents don't care about the friends you've made, or the problems you'll have in making new friends and adjusting to a new world. Each city or countryside is a new world in itself totally different than the last. I feel great empathy for you because I was one of those children. My parents moved 11 times when I was a child. I know no one from elementary school and don't stay in contact with anyone from high school or the last 7 years of my schooling of which only involved three moves, two within the same city limits.

Whether divorce, remarriage, job loss, house foreclosure, or promotion, I need all the children reading this to realize that it is never about your parents not loving you. That has nothing to do with it at all. It's a situation of there own life and the circumstances that affect them and which indirectly affect you. The worst would be having to move in your final two to three years of high school since your nearly an adult, your coherent, and if you've actively tried hard you would have already set up plans for a college to go to. I know it's very difficult but the best thing you can do as a young adult is be supportive of your parents and just get through the time you have to spend in another part of the world, as you can always go back to school in your previous state or territory.

To parents I would strongly remind you that what is happening to you is most likely bad and yet sometimes good if it's the case of a promotion for you or your spouse. However you really need to focus on your children during this time, especially during the first six months. You just don't realize how much is going to change for them and you need to be supportive of them during this time so they feel how much you care about them regardless of the circumstances. For elementary or middle aged children it's somewhat easy, for young adults it's harder for them to understand and resentment can easily build. You need to combat this even to the point of literally telling them what is going on. There is no point in hiding if your spouse got a promotion, just tell them the advantages or the reasoning behind it, the same can be said of a lay off or being fired. Don't look at it like an issue of insecurity, advise your children that this can happen to anyone and even themselves as they get older and this is what has to happen sometime to keep the family sustained and going.

It should never resort to such childish behavior as a fight between parties of who is responsible, who is at fault, and how anyone could have been better to prevent this because sometimes that is a complete fallacy. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing no one could have done to prevent it.

My moves were mostly when I was young and I don't remember most of them until I went to middle school and nearly got into a fight on the first day I was there. I felt like I was all alone in a strange world but I later became nearly best friends with the person that wanted to fight me so after awhile I did make friends, it was as if they had to break me in first. I never got into a fight with anyone from that school and was only there only 3/4's of the year, after that I moved back to our previous house and continued my high school education with the people I would graduate with. Looking back it doesn't bother me so much, but at the time I was concerned. After finding people that had similar interests though life became easier.

Love your parents, love your children, and please realize that moves are hard typically for all people and whether it's a good reason or a bad reason to move, it is what it is, and there is nothing you can do to change the situation. So since you know it must occur the best thing you can do is support your parents or children and continue to give them love as best you can, because you never know when the situation looks bad for you that in fact it's worse for the other party.