05/30/2008: "Time Is Up"

Death is an extraordinary feeling, one leaving us with sadness, regret, and loss. Death is a part of all of our lives and even though we all know it happens, and can happen at any point, what I find so amazing is the fact that most people aren't prepared for it or completely lose control of there own lives when someone they know does pass away.

I must confess something now that bothers me. Sometimes I daydream or have nightmares that my friends or family are dying, and I of course am giving some epilogue or speech and I lose myself in baffled cries of pain and anguish not understanding why they are gone. Yet even though I'm relieved nightly by the fact they really aren't dead, I know it will happen. True, maybe I will die first, but the odds are more in favor of those older than you passing on before you. It's just numbers, not friendly, not enemy, just statistics.

Life is hard, and no one ever said it would be easy, but how can any of us possibly go on when we've lost someone that we love? A mother, a child, a spouse? I sometimes say at work I've seen it all, but I have to tell you what life has in store for me is nothing of what you will experience, or I'm wrong and you'll experience similar if not the same things. However, it won't be the exact same and I can't know any one of your pains, as you can't know mine.

Loving God during these times has to be one of our strongest tests, because he's doing or allowing the unthinkable or the complete absence of someone that is important to our lives.

Those of us, of the Legion of Angels, write these messages for advice or for a good purpose, thanked by none, and heard by few probably, and regardless of that it is our duty to try to give you a positive word. But how do I give you positivity if you are reading this with your father, or boyfriend, or sister just having died tragically an hour ago for example?

It's impossible, and there are no words to comfort you as you are crying and breaking down while reading this. The only thing I can say is that I know how to lose to. Whether it be a wife, fiancee', gf, grandparent, etc. I know what it's like to lose many things and nothing I ever read made me feel better. While hope isn't impossible, the only thing you can do is get through it, become stronger as a human being and do your best at being a good person.

This final line won't be any comfort to you, but I'll tell you anyway. When I lose something I treasure dearly, I say praise God. While that doesn't fix it, and perhaps even the human side of me comes out and cries and says "why God?". I still know that while I'm next to nothing and perhaps not even close to being a good Christian, I know that the Lord knows that I spent a moment to give him glory even in my darkness. So while I'll never be better than Jesus, or God, I can feel pretty good about myself for what I have done.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you and someone you love, well...that there time isn't up.